


the words i want to say to you (but couldn't leave my mouth)

by Anonymous



Category: Butterfly Soup (Visual Novel)
Genre: F/F, Hurt & Comfort, au where everythings the same but akarsha and noelle are exes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-13
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-21 08:08:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30018750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Akarsha and Noelle have been broken up for months, and they’re still on great terms. Akarsha should’ve moved past it by now. Akarsha hasn’t, and now that Min’s here the uncomfortable topic resurfaces.
Relationships: Akarsha/Noelle (Butterfly Soup)
Kudos: 16
Collections: Anonymous





	the words i want to say to you (but couldn't leave my mouth)

**Author's Note:**

> everythings the same: Min leaving when they were kids and coming back freshman year. only difference is noelle and akarsha dated over the summer and broke up in the fall

It took a month of knowing Min for her to find out about Akarsha and Noelle. The first of the pair found it amusing. The second, not so much. 

“You’re telling me Noelle is attractive to people? People find her attractive?  _ You  _ found her attractive?!” Min gawked, mouth hanging open like it was impossible.

“It’s not  _ that _ hard to believe.” Noelle hissed. “Besides, we’re not together anymore. Akarsha’s formed into another annoyance again.”

“ _ Another _ ? Are you cheating on me? Do you have another girl that plays pranks on you all the time?” Akarsha feigned hurt as she placed her hand on her chest. Noelle rolled her eyes and pushed Akarsha off her place on the lunch table.. “OOF-“

“Your fault for sitting  _ on  _ the actual lunch table. Do you know how disgusting that is? People eat on that table.”

“No,” Akarsha noted, using Noelle to pull herself up. “They eat on  _ plates _ .” She grinned.

Before Noelle could form a rebuttal, Min piped in. “So, why’d you two break up?”

Akarsha and Noelle did what they agreed to do whenever someone asked. They spit out a variety of dumb, obviously not true reasons, like  _ Akarsha failed a math test _ or _ Noelle doesn’t like icecream.  _ Min laughed along for a while. But then she posed a serious question.

“Haha, okay, but why’d you two  _ actually  _ break up?”

Akarsha couldn’t answer.

It wasn’t until later that day, when the two of them- her and Noelle, were situated in Akarsha’s bedroom, working on a project together, that she asked.

“Hey uh, why did we? Break up, I mean.” Akarsha asked, looking up from her paper.

“I assumed you knew? Akarsha, it’s been months.” Noelle frowned, closing her textbook. 

“I kind of assumed it was your parents, or school, or something. So when you did it I was like  _ Oh, okay, cool _ . But I thought about it when Min was asking today and realized I never really uh.. asked why?”

Noelle’s eyebrows crinkled. “So I broke up with you and you just accepted it with no idea why? What if I suddenly hated you or something?”

“No, I’m too charming and funny for you to hate me.” Akarsha grinned, then her face turned a little serious. “But uh, you don’t right?”

“Of course not.”

“So why?” 

“Why are you asking?”

“I think I have the right to know why I got dumped.”

Noelle paused, mulling over her next words carefully. “You assumed right. Also the fact statistically most relationships don’t make it past highschool. We probably will lose contact in four years. It would just hurt more.”

“Was that it?” Akarsha sat up entirely now. “Was it that like, we weren’t right for eachother?”

“No, that wasn’t it. The opposite actually.” Noelle tapped her chin with her pencil. “I think we were  _ too  _ right for eachother.”

_ What the fuck does that even meaaaan.  _ Akarsha thought.

“Oh, okay.”  _ Push it away. Don’t think about it. _

The conversation ended.

* * *

_ “Are you going to get home safe?” _

_ “Yes. Akarsha. I need to speak to you. It’s serious.” _

_ “What’s up, frenchman?” _

_ Noelle took a breath. “I think- we need to end things. This. Us.” _

_ “Oh.” _

_ “Akarsha, look, it’s just, I’m no good with-“ _

_ “No, don’t worry.” Akarsha pauses, scraping the bottom of her sneaker against the pavement. “I get it. Don’t worry. You don’t need to feel bad.”  _

_ Noelle looked so confused. “What?” _

_ Akarsha began to walk towards her house. “Just promise we’re not gonna turn all weird. I hate when that happens in movies and books and crap where they break up and can’t be around eachother. We’re still friends. I’m still gonna annoy you, okay?” _

_ Noelle was taken aback. “Uh.. yes, of course. I wouldn’t have it any other way.” _

_ Akarsha began to close the door. “Okay, see you at school tomorrow! Also, for your benefit, learn how to get silly string out of your hair.” _

_ “Ah- what? Akarsha- what do you mean- Akarsha. AKARSHA. WHAT DO YOU-“ _

* * *

She was still in love with Noelle.

This wasn’t  _ news _ , Akarsha never fell out of it. She hadn’t gotten to  _ say  _ ‘I love you’ before they’d broken up, but she knew it. She’d known it for a while. But right now, after the other day, it was harder to push down.

When they broke up, they never  _ talked  _ about it. Sure, yes, they’ve acknowledged its existence, but aside from jokes and brief mentions they’ve never  _ really  _ spoken about it one on one. Until the conversation yesterday. It didn’t help that frenchie was possibly  _ the  _ most cryptic person to ever walk the earth when she wanted to be. 

Despite her revelation, one she really did not want to have, Akarsha peeled herself out of bed and got ready for school. 

**albret einstong**

ay

ay

ay diya

ayyyy

ayyyyy

**Diya**

?

**albret einstong**

outside :P

**albret einstong**

also

**albret einstong**

well ill talk to u out here o_o 

Akarsha shut off her phone and stared at the door expectantly. Sure enough, Diya walked out.

“You don’t usually show up like this.”

“Uh, dude, I show up every day. You should know this. We’ve been friends since june.” Akarsha smiled.

“I know that. What did you mean in the chatroom.”

Akarsha froze up. What  _ did  _ she mean? It’s not like she had anything to ask. What was she supposed to say?  _ Hey, by the way, just wanted to know, is your best friend still crushing on me?  _ She’d look stupid. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“....” Diya frowned. “Okay.”

Aside from the awkward interaction in the morning, Akarsha’s day went surprisingly smooth. Her and Noelle would meet again to work on their project. Maybe they’d talk more. They  _ had  _ to talk more.

“Do you regret it?” Akarsha asked, in the middle of making a powerpoint slide. 

“Our relationship?”

“Aw, you’re reading me like a book.” Akarsha winked.

“It’s not hard when it seems to be all that’s occupied your mind in the past two days. Why do you care so much?” Noelle asked.

“I don’t regret it.” Akarsha dodged the question. “It got you out of your shell. When you and I met you like, never smiled. Now you smile a lot. And laugh. It’s nice.”

“I never laughed because I thought if I did, you’d stop.” Noelle hid her face in her book, an obvious tell she was blushing. “But I agree. If it weren’t for you, I never would’ve been able to admit what I just did.”

“I’m glad.” Akarsha smiled. “It’s easy to talk to you. I thought it’d be awkward but it’s really easy.” That was a complete and utter lie. Sure it was easier to let her guard down, but actually talking to Noelle about anything besides her personal problems with college and her future? Akarsha wouldn’t even dare to consider that.

Noelle mumbled something inaudible. Akarsha frowned, and internally noted that Noelle didn’t actually answer the question.

* * *

Akarsha regretted her choice to shut down when Noelle broke up with her. Maybe if she hadn’t closed the door on her and shrugged it all off she’d understand more. She did understand more, she supposed, but there was still something missing. Something hidden that Noelle wouldn’t say, Akarsha could tell.

Maybe if Akarsha had just acted a bit different it wouldn’t be like this.

Their presentation went fine the next day, surprisingly enough. Akarsha thought her slides were lackluster. Noelle insisted she was smart, and should have no reason to doubt herself. Akarsha didn’t buy it.

After their last conversation, the break-up had become a sore topic. Which was awful. Before they could joke about it. Now Noelle just got quiet. Aside from that everything was normal, they’d still spend an annoying amount of time together. Nothing changed until a week later, when Akarsha and Noelle were peering up at the glowing stick-on stars that decorated the formers ceiling.

“I was in love with you.” 

Akarsha sat up. “What?”

Noelle sighed. “The night I broke up with you- a few days before, I realized I was in love with you. It scared me. I panicked. I’m sorry.”

“Why are you apologizing?”

“Talking about it helped me make peace with it, I suppose. I should’ve been honest sooner.”

Akarsha scooted closer. “You said ‘ _ was _ ’. Are you still-“

Noelle sat up too. She was silent.

“Yea?” Akarsha tilted her head. “Me too.”

Noelle laughed with clear exhaustion, and hid her face in Akarsha's shoulder. “We’re useless. I’m sorry I got scared. You asked me if I regret it- I don’t regret us. But I regret that I ended it.”

“It’s okay.” Akarsha wrapped her arm around Noelles shoulder. “I know how scary this stuff is, and it isn’t your fault. But I mean, if you want, we can always face it together.”

“I’d like that.”


End file.
